Published February 4, 2014

You identify your impostor

Your impostor lying in a pool of blood
You would know your impostor's handsome face anywhere

“Do you recognize the man in the photograph?” the police officer asks. He dangles a photo in front of your face. You push away in order to focus on the photograph. Your eyes fix on the man in question, and you feel your stomach turn. Your pulse quickens. Your tail puffs out.

With trembling voice you answer, “That is my impostor!” Another policeman enters. He whispers something in the ear of your interrogator and leaves. The door slams behind him, startling you.

“No,” the officer says, rubbing his fingers through his bushy moustache. “That’s Luke Teaford.”

“I’m Luke Teaford,” you think, but sensing an easy enough out, you raise no objections. “What the Hell happened to him? He had so much potential.” You scratch behind your ear with your foot, causing you to squint and purr softly for a moment.

“He was beaten up at the Wayne Avenue Kroger. Apparently the victim was singing ‘Friday I’m in Love’. It was on a Wednesday and the suspects jumped him. Allegedly, the suspects knocked his chocolate covered cherries out of his hands at which point in time they began assaulting him.”

You are deeply confused. You wonder how this could be. Doppelgangers, weird time dilation effects, a cat transformation: it’s a lot to think about.

“His last words were the kissing noises,” the officer concludes.

“This can’t be happening!” you shriek. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but I am Luke Teaford! I’m supposed to be a happily married man with a job in the year 2014!”

The police man sinks his thumbs in his belt loops and laughs in your face. His deep guffaws reverberate in the questioning room. Panicked, you shed and stick your claws out. “Now that’s a good one!”

“But… but I…”

“Shut up, you!” he says, throwing you deep into the cold, dark night.

You decide to: